A Slow Week for Crisp News

I think I'm have a go at trying to organise my musings into some sort of order with headings. This tactic may not last long but I'll try.

People
This week Tony Blair defended his treatment of the NHS while in charge. This was required because after ten years of Labour rule he can no longer just mumble something about "It was the Tories, I saw them, they broke it then ran off". On this matter I'd just like to say; waiting lists down, available beds up, investment up, doctor and nurse numbers up but that doesn't matter 'cause David Cameron is sooo dishy. He also came out in support of Nuclear energy (a necessary evil I reckon but I'm not getting involved. I was surprised to see him because I'd kind of forgotten he was still in charge but this isn't my point. I am very worried about the Tories getting in next time round and I believe it's inevitable because a) people have forgotten what a shitty bunch of bastards they really were when in power and b) Gordon Brown can't smile. And I do think the voting populace is this shallow. Prove me wrong people, prove me wrong.

I know it's heading towards being old news but the Jose Mourinho story about his illegal immigrant dog was frankly fantastic. The whole story just smacked of his spectacular arrogance. Apparently when the animal control people and the police were at his home they allowed him outside with the dog to 'make a phone call'. Presumably the dog needed to speak to his lawyer (In my fantasy his lawyer is also a dog, a Dalmation I think. With little dog glasses on and a tie). When Jose returned the dog had disappeared (supposedly 'Gullit' ran away) and Jose suddenly came down with a bad case of the Arsene Wengers ("I did not see the incident/animal"). Jose ended up with a caution for obstructing the police.

Some good Pete Doherty stuff this week - well, good compared to 'Doherty does drugs' which I think we've probably had enough of. First of all he 'cracked' home the winner in the Soccer Sixes while managing the Babyshambles side to victory in the tournament - I think he had help in this as I suspect he could barely 'manage' to give you his postcode. Then footage emerged of a (relatively) fresh-faced Pete being a pretentious teenager whilst queuing for the Be Here Now album. Love him or hate him (and I know you hate him) his quoting of an Italian philosopher and cocksure manner shows that lad hasn't changed too much. He's probably taller now.

Music
If you're expecting any kind of ground-breaking musical journalism you are definitely in the wrong place, in fact this is the case if you're in search of any journalism at all. I will be using this minor platform to talk about bands that I personally know and drink with, girls who sing that I am harbouring juvenile obsessions about and anything that my London mates have told me is cool.

So in that vein, check out 'G-folk' exponents The Park Bench Social Club - as all promising new artists must do, they have (I think) invented this genre and will be inhabiting it alone, I believe the 'G' is for 'Gangsta' but I could be wrong. 'Little Sadie' is shit-hot, check it out on their Myspace. I'm quite fond of South Street as well, mainly 'cause they're nice lads and are from Gateshead. Quality tunes as well though.

Taking over from Lily Allen (who I dreamt was my girlfriend and we went for a kebab. She paid...good times) is the fairly similar Kate Nash. I know she's not that new anymore and probably not even that talented but I like her pretty voice and the dresses she wears. I'm seeing her at the Cluny in a couple of weeks so I'll let you know how she measures up live. She also cites David Sugar as one of her 'recommendations' and I saw him at a gig somewhere in Elephant and Castle and enjoyed myself immensely. He did then proceed to fuck over the record label my mate works for so I went off him a bit (I've been informed this is in fact not true at all. Definitely not true, but I left it in as I couldn't think how else to still plug the label). He makes music out of Gameboy soundtracks apparently.

Also having quite a lot of fun listening to We Smoke Fags, this may be based on the fact that I like the name although not as much as I love 'We Work At Tesco But We're Well Gangsta Innit'. Still worth a listen. Unless you hate that shit, if that's the case you shouldn't bother.

Sport
Two of the highlights of my sporting week were when Graham Onions grabbed 8 wickets for 101 for Durham this week and then when Nasser Hussain said on Sky that he should be in the side. Go on my son etc etc. He definitely owes his success to that summer before I went to uni when I used to go up the nets and bat against him all day. It fucking hurt when he hit me in the ribs with a short one though.

Football wise I heard that Henry's off to Barcelona. But I hear a lot of stuff. I was just trying to appear impartial by offering some general news before launching into endless diatribes regarding the Toon. Bring on Big Sam's new regime and certainly bring on reclusive millionaire (nay, billionaire) Mike Ashley's Big Sack (of cash). If the Newcastle Chronicle is to be believed (and thinking about it, it's not) first up are Leighton Baines and Eidur Gudjohnsen. This is fine with me although I would prefer Fernando Torres and Wayne Bridge. You can't win 'em all though, but it would be nice if Newcastle won something - and I'm not counting last season's Intertoto Cup 'triumph'. There's a similar mood around town as when Sir John Hall took over and he proceeded to smash the world transfer record to sign Alan Shearer. Yes please (the world record bit not Shearer).

This week I....
-Watched the American Office season finale. Spectacular. I nearly wept. Also Napoleon Dynamite and Little Miss Sunshine, somewhat unusually both films finish with a dance routine. I also bought Human Traffic for old time's sake, "reach for the lasers, safe as fuck".

-Read Pete Doherty - Last of the Rock Romantics, sorry but I had to. The author went a little over the top by likening hat fan Doherty to Byron (Marjorie's* mum once said I had Byronic hair which I liked. I wonder if she said 'Bionic'? No that'd be weird). Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail by Hunter S. Thompson. Astonishing stuff, surprisingly coherent and an amazing insight into one of weirdest democratic processes there is, the American race for Presidency. Not enough ether intake for my liking though.

-Heard Ryan Adam's new single and loved it like I love crisps, apparently this album 'Easy Tiger' is his best since Demolition. I purely cannot wait like.

Done.

*Names changed to protect the beautiful

Insert Witty Title Here...

I've got approximately 13 better things to be getting on with than this right now, which is why it exists (I'm putting the 'pro' into procrastination). Now if you know me (and if you don't how on Earth did you end up here? you will be most disappointed) you know I hate the word and, to be honest, the whole nature of 'blogs'. I'm not quite down with "yesterday i had a sandwich it was quite nice now i'm going to watch lost lost is ace!!!!!!" and all that. Actually thinking about it I love that shit. It's just the word really, which is short for 'big log' I believe? No? Well it should be.

Anyway, we're hurtling towards summer which means I either am going to do nothing at all for four months - which hasn't really worked out for me in the past - or have to find something to occupy me. And before you suggest smoking sack fulls of tac and watching American sitcoms I have also tried that, while fun for a bit it soon palls. So...this brings to me my only real option, writing things. But I've been a bit out of practice so I'm going to get back into the swing of things by writing about events, people and snack products that have amused me or interested me through the week - or day if I get really into it. If you want to read them they will be here. In case you were getting worried there will be no poetry or song lyrics.

I don't really have that many interests so expect much of what appears to focus around; crisps, cricket, Jose Mourinho, whichever exponent of girl-pop I've taken to that week, cheap wine, cricket, Pete Doherty, sweets, the latest indie/new-rave/electro/skiffle bandwagon that i've jumped on and idle Toon transfer gossip. I will also be scattering wild predictions around like Harmison with the new ball (Steve Harmison 'tries too hard' against India) so that on the off chance that any turn out to be right I'll be all like 'Yeah I said that ages ago man'.

See you's in a bit.

P.S. Please write to me and correct my grammar, I love it.